[Even his best effort wouldn't be enough. How could it be? Maybe he'd had time to learn to accept it, but Beast hadn't. The shock was still too fresh, the guilt too new and heavy.
[He tightened his grip on her hand, swiping his thumb across her knuckles. Of this, he was determined to do. Nothing could be fixed- it's all out of his reach now. But maybe he can do something else, maybe he can make something here for all of them.]
[Just a bit of patience and a bit of luck. That's all he's praying for.]
[That, finally, made her lift her head, uncaring about tears or how wretched her expression might look. Spending almost your entire life with another person, in the dirt and the bilge filth of the streets...
[She still has his hand, so he can't wipe away her tears, so all he does is bump their heads together lightly.]
It's a queer place, won't lie about that, but there's food and a roof over our heads and a livin', so we can manage. The others'll show up eventually too, ain't any doubt about that. We'll do fine, we'll manage. We've managed in worse, yeah?
Perhaps it was selfish to want to believe so badly. If she could believe that it would assuage the ball of shame and guilt deep in her gut, if only slightly. It would give her hope when she felt as of she had absolutely none. Part of her thought she deserved to suffer in hopelessness for what she's done. But the other part wanted to believe.
She released his hand.
But only because she carefully, hesitantly, shamefully put hers around him instead, buried her face in his shoulder and squeezed.
Beast wanted to believe, but part of her couldn't. Not yet, perhaps.
But she nodded against his shoulder to try and force herself to.]
[He let's her in, holding her as tight as he can and taking a deep breath.]
[It's a lot to believe. He knows. So it's up to him- always up to him- to keep on leading and hoping the others follow. Snake already is, and he hopes Beast stays with him too.]
[In time, God willing, all the work will pay off. This Circus has its name for a reason.]
...Want ta stay in my tent for the night? Ya can take the bed with Angel, if ya don't mind 'er company.
[She stiffened a bit within the hold of his arm, around him where she held him, at his offer.
She wanted to.
Of course she wanted to.
It was painfully obvious that she wanted to.
But it dredged up memories she'd drag out of her head and lock away if she only could. Of the last night she could remember before she woke up in this strange place.]
Joker, ye know I-
[She started to whisper it in to his shoulder, but anticipating being cut off... actually ended up cutting herself off instead, choking it down in a sudden wave of self-disgust.]
[It'll never happen, he knows. He's seen a lot of impossible things in this place, but that sort of thing happening for them... No, he can't quite get himself to believe that.]
[For now, he just tries to wrap his arm around Beast and help her up, get her to the bed.]
It didn't put her at ease, but really- what could after what she'd learned. But she let him get her up without complaint, and, well. For Beast, that was something.]
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So she only shook her head again.]
It isn't alright.
[How could it be?]
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[He tightened his grip on her hand, swiping his thumb across her knuckles. Of this, he was determined to do. Nothing could be fixed- it's all out of his reach now. But maybe he can do something else, maybe he can make something here for all of them.]
[Just a bit of patience and a bit of luck. That's all he's praying for.]
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You stopped caring about that kind of thing.]
'ow?
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[She still has his hand, so he can't wipe away her tears, so all he does is bump their heads together lightly.]
It's a queer place, won't lie about that, but there's food and a roof over our heads and a livin', so we can manage. The others'll show up eventually too, ain't any doubt about that. We'll do fine, we'll manage. We've managed in worse, yeah?
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Perhaps it was selfish to want to believe so badly. If she could believe that it would assuage the ball of shame and guilt deep in her gut, if only slightly. It would give her hope when she felt as of she had absolutely none. Part of her thought she deserved to suffer in hopelessness for what she's done. But the other part wanted to believe.
She released his hand.
But only because she carefully, hesitantly, shamefully put hers around him instead, buried her face in his shoulder and squeezed.
Beast wanted to believe, but part of her couldn't. Not yet, perhaps.
But she nodded against his shoulder to try and force herself to.]
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[It's a lot to believe. He knows. So it's up to him- always up to him- to keep on leading and hoping the others follow. Snake already is, and he hopes Beast stays with him too.]
[In time, God willing, all the work will pay off. This Circus has its name for a reason.]
...Want ta stay in my tent for the night? Ya can take the bed with Angel, if ya don't mind 'er company.
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She wanted to.
Of course she wanted to.
It was painfully obvious that she wanted to.
But it dredged up memories she'd drag out of her head and lock away if she only could. Of the last night she could remember before she woke up in this strange place.]
Joker, ye know I-
[She started to whisper it in to his shoulder, but anticipating being cut off... actually ended up cutting herself off instead, choking it down in a sudden wave of self-disgust.]
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[Just that. He tells himself it so much, so firmly, he can believe it for truth.]
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... Like we were kids. Yeah.
[As if they could ever go back to that. As much as those years in the workhouse seemed like a paradise compared to how messed up things seemed now.]
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[For now, he just tries to wrap his arm around Beast and help her up, get her to the bed.]
Up we go now...
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I can do it.
[Muttered, even though she was obviously benefiting from the help.]
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[He gives one of his smiles, hoping to put her at ease. To be honest, it's an act he never is sure will work or not- not with Beast.]
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It didn't put her at ease, but really- what could after what she'd learned. But she let him get her up without complaint, and, well. For Beast, that was something.]